At the beginning, I suppose.
4:15pm - Maggie sends me a text. She wants to see some Sinatra-esque music and go dancing. Sounds like a plan. Except...Charleston really doesn't have anything like that. I fire up Google and discover Porgy's Other Place, a jazz cafe I dimly recall seeing while waiting in line at Trio. This is where we'll go.
5:30pm - My friend Adam calls to see if we're up to anything. I explain The Plan. He and his girlfriend will join us for dinner at 8:30pm.
7:30pm - I start getting nervous about the menu, since I haven't seen it. Many Google searches later I discover that Porgy's has in fact closed. But I swear I've seen a jazz cafe recently in that location. I Google the address (137 Calhoun St). It appears Porgy's closed and reopened in June 2009 as Alluette's Jazz Cafe. Digging a little more, there is an Alluette's Cafe (evidently of the non-jazz variety) on Reid St. downtown that serves "organic soul food". The titular Alluette Jones recently expanded to the aforementioned Calhoun St. location, opening the jazz cafe with an abbreviated version of the original cafe's menu. The reviews for the original location are great, but I cannot find a single review of the new location. Odd, but I am assuaged.
8:30pm - We arrive. There is no band in sight and the place is abandoned, save two customers seated at opposite ends of the bar. I make up elaborate backstories for them. Tony and Will used to be friends (played together in a billiards league, in fact) and would often get a postprandial cocktail together at Alluette's to escape their wives. But after a Craigslist lawnmower deal went south (what a coincidence that it was Will anonymously selling his mower, and that it was none other than Tony who replied!), they aren't on speaking terms, though both continue to frequent Alluette's, preferring the improvisations of the Oscar Rivers Trio to their wives complaining about window treatments.
My daydreaming is interrupted by a woman in an overcoat who asks us why we are here. I realize she is a waitress, though she looks more customer. We tell her we're in for dinner. She seems genuinely shocked, but recovers quickly and leads us to a table in the back, near the stage.
8:40pm - Adam and his girlfriend, Carly, arrive. Adam didn't bring a jacket in spite of the cold weather. As the evening wears on, this proves an ill-fated decision.
8:45pm - We order drinks. I ask what types of beer are available. Our waitress starts slowly naming the standard domestics, but also lists something called "Red Fire" that I've never heard of, and wind up ordering.
8:50pm - My "Fat Tire" arrives. Surreal service experience begins in earnest. We order some lamb sandwiches and tilapia off the sparse menu.
9:30pm - Forty minutes have passed. No food has arrived. Our sandwiches are evidently more complex than the menu would indicate. Our waitress has come by a number of times, not to update us re:our food, but to literally interrupt our conversation so we can talk about that various places she has lived. She is so nice and oblivious that we can't be upset. Also, it's freezing cold due to the band having propped open the door to bring in their equipment. Recall, Adam does not have a jacket. It is approximately 40° F. We swaddle ourselves in Bourbon & Cokes.
9:40pm - Adam begins to shake from the cold. We quickly order two more rounds of Bourbon & Cokes.
9:50pm - Food arrives. We are ravenous, and dig in. But wait, what's this? A few bites in, no one has said a word. Is the food...actually good? Like really, really good? Farm fresh produce? Piping hot, properly cooked fish? Yes. With lamb sandwiches for $10, this ain't 5-star dining, but against all the odds, the food is super fresh and rock-solid good. It's too bad it has to be served in such a bizarre, apathetic environment. The food is compelling enough to make me want to try Alluette's original location, but the experience is bad enough that I'll never go back to the jazz cafe. It is especially disappointing because I love live jazz and there is very little of it in Charleston.
10:15pm - The Oscar Rivers Trio, the house band, finally comes on. They can really play, but it's too late and we soon head home.
Alluette's Jazz Cafe
137 Calhoun St
Charleston, SC 29401
8:30pm - We arrive. There is no band in sight and the place is abandoned, save two customers seated at opposite ends of the bar. I make up elaborate backstories for them. Tony and Will used to be friends (played together in a billiards league, in fact) and would often get a postprandial cocktail together at Alluette's to escape their wives. But after a Craigslist lawnmower deal went south (what a coincidence that it was Will anonymously selling his mower, and that it was none other than Tony who replied!), they aren't on speaking terms, though both continue to frequent Alluette's, preferring the improvisations of the Oscar Rivers Trio to their wives complaining about window treatments.
My daydreaming is interrupted by a woman in an overcoat who asks us why we are here. I realize she is a waitress, though she looks more customer. We tell her we're in for dinner. She seems genuinely shocked, but recovers quickly and leads us to a table in the back, near the stage.
8:40pm - Adam and his girlfriend, Carly, arrive. Adam didn't bring a jacket in spite of the cold weather. As the evening wears on, this proves an ill-fated decision.
8:45pm - We order drinks. I ask what types of beer are available. Our waitress starts slowly naming the standard domestics, but also lists something called "Red Fire" that I've never heard of, and wind up ordering.
8:50pm - My "Fat Tire" arrives. Surreal service experience begins in earnest. We order some lamb sandwiches and tilapia off the sparse menu.
9:30pm - Forty minutes have passed. No food has arrived. Our sandwiches are evidently more complex than the menu would indicate. Our waitress has come by a number of times, not to update us re:our food, but to literally interrupt our conversation so we can talk about that various places she has lived. She is so nice and oblivious that we can't be upset. Also, it's freezing cold due to the band having propped open the door to bring in their equipment. Recall, Adam does not have a jacket. It is approximately 40° F. We swaddle ourselves in Bourbon & Cokes.
9:40pm - Adam begins to shake from the cold. We quickly order two more rounds of Bourbon & Cokes.
9:50pm - Food arrives. We are ravenous, and dig in. But wait, what's this? A few bites in, no one has said a word. Is the food...actually good? Like really, really good? Farm fresh produce? Piping hot, properly cooked fish? Yes. With lamb sandwiches for $10, this ain't 5-star dining, but against all the odds, the food is super fresh and rock-solid good. It's too bad it has to be served in such a bizarre, apathetic environment. The food is compelling enough to make me want to try Alluette's original location, but the experience is bad enough that I'll never go back to the jazz cafe. It is especially disappointing because I love live jazz and there is very little of it in Charleston.
10:15pm - The Oscar Rivers Trio, the house band, finally comes on. They can really play, but it's too late and we soon head home.
Alluette's Jazz Cafe
137 Calhoun St
Charleston, SC 29401
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